My Life in A Shoe Pt.II

Brand: Mamelli

Size listed: 7 Narrow

Fabric: Not listed (possibly leather)

Colors: Eggshell

Condition: Excellent

Come to Mama!

Lyrical Mishap

Rushing and racing and running in circles. Moving so fast, I'm forgetting my purpose.

Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning,getting nowhere.My head and my heart are colliding, chaotic.

Pace of the world I just wish I could stop it. Try to appear like I've got it together i'm falling apart. Sometimes I fear that I might dissapear. In the blur of fast forward I faulter again. Forgetting to breathe, I need to sleep,getting nowhere. All that I've missed I see in the reflection. Passed me while I wasn't paying attention. Tired of rushing, racing and running falling apart.Tell me

Oh won't you take my hand and lead me... slow me down

Don't let love pass me by just show me how cause I'm ready to fall

Slow me down..Don't let me live a lie before my life flys by I need you to slow me down.

The noise of the world is getting me caught up

Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it just need to breathe, somebody please

Slow me down

Fat Her Less

My daddy has to go away

But he'll return most any day

Any moment I may see

My daddy, coming back to me.

Father- Meaning to "Fat(impregnate) Her(the mother)= FatHer.

When I was little I watched the Little Princess at least 100 times and whenever the father would leave Shirley Temple would say the phrase above. Eventually I learned to do the same thing.

What what do you say when your father may be gone for good?

I've noticed that most of my girl friends do not have the best relationships with their fathers. Either their fathers don't show that they love them and they have to fight for that attention or their fathers just aren't there enough to be considered a father.

So when I go to bed at night with all of that time to think.. I lie there and ponder the possibility that I will have fucked up choices in men because I don't have my father around. Even if they aren't fucked up choices in men it's still going against most ways that girls think. We look for our fathers in the men choose but if you don't have a father then what do you look for.

This is something that has been bothering me. I mean when most girls or guys are fatherless they seek to fill that void with another male figure hopefully its a positive male figure.

I have my foster father but I'm not that close to him yet because we just met. When I meet or flit with a guy I don't look for David in the young man.. I look for my self.. because for a while I've had to create a father figure for myself in my head and what it would look like.

So all of the father deprived people out there reading this please comment and tell me what do you use for a father figure or Ladies when you are choosing guys.. what do you base it on.

Its different for everyone I'm just curious.

High Hopes and Dreams

This will be a good year I can feel it. I have the wind on my side and I know things can't go wrong.
I got my scholarship! I'm super excited.
Ahh I just want to listen to my girlfriends' bitch and moan about their boy troubles. It's very entertaining and I love helping them because I care. Plus I was in their position not so long ago and they were always there to hear me bitch... and I bitch alot.
Brady is in my bed reading Norweign Wood; it seems like a really good book. Speaking of good things.. today I watch Everybody's Fine. Its was okay except for the pretentious use of a telephone pole as a metaphor.. that really bothered me.
Holy Fuck I feel like i'm 30. All I want to do is watch Netflicks in my cheetah snuggie while I drink tea.

There is Light at the End of Every Tunnel

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie.
After you sprain your ankle a few times your joints and ligaments grow accustom to the pain and the pain grows more and more dull each time you sprain it until finally you don't even notice you have a sprain until you hear the clicking and slight pressure. Can your heart feel that way. After someone hurts you so much time after time eventually do you grow accustom to that pain until they can't break you? If only it was that simple. I may come off as someone who doesn't feel but I do. Damn I'm probably oversensitive..ehh maybe not.
Any who there is someone out there that I let hurt me and my body never adjusted to the pain. When he stabs me in the heart I still feel it even though he's hurt me so many times. Why did you let him hurt you so many times you may ask.. Honestly I don't know.
I know one thing; HE WILL NEVER HURT ME AGAIN.
Sometimes you just have to let go and during that we say things we don't mean.
Apparently I mean/meant nothing to him and we were never really in a relationship anyway.
He had his "asshole vindictive face" So I knew he was lying.
I finally did it! I told him everything I ever felt like saying. He didn't deserve me. That I love him but that it didn't mean shit because I need to love myself more and that by loving him I was killing myself inside..that he was killing me.
It's really really over. I know alot of people think that we're not done for good but we are. I am not weak. No man or woman should have so much power over your body that you physically get sick when you have to let them go.
Once when I asked," why do you do these things to me?" You replied, "becuase I know that you will always forgive me."
I could even be mad at you because it was true. I would forgive you everytime.. Im forgiving you right now.
You are forgiven... but I will never forget.
Maybe I'm being a little cruel by having nothing to do with you but I need time to heal. Plus after what happened between us three days ago I doubt I can face you without kicking you in the balls. I know I probably hurt you but for you it was a mere scratch but what you left on me doesn't even compare.. Will you pay for my heart transplant?
Yeah, you say that I've hurt you, and your voice is like a prayer
Yeah, well maybe I hurt you sometimes, but let's contrast and compare
Lift up your shirt, the wound isn't there.
Lady Pimp...Maybe
Slut...Never...
True to myself.... ALWAYS
Now I know we said things, did things, that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby please come back, it wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though

L.A Blues

I arrived in LA today and it's pretty nice. The women are so odd here. I saw lots of sixteen year old girls wearing micromini dresses and eight inch heels that they couldn't walk in. I weng to an all gay Mexican resturant with a drag fasion show and gay bar downstairs; that was super cool. I decided to wear my cowboy boots to feel slightly more SoCal. The guys are very attactive but they all seem the same yet you can't judge a book by it's cover. I got my passport photo taken so now I can officially go to Scotland for Christmas. Anyway I'm staying on the Hyatt-- it's pretty nice-- I hot back around 11 and the hot tub was closed so I went to my room. Brady and Dsvids room is like 4 rooms down from mine so I felt really alone. Finally around 1 I texted Brady and she was alone too because David passed out so she came over toy room to sleep. Yay slumber party! This is going to be a great year.

You Just Don't Get Enough Credit.

You held my hand as I grew up and as I got older you slowly let go. You let go so that I could walk on my own. Now you are getting older and I'm reaching out to hold your hand because you will soon be having trouble walking on your own. But when you start having a problem my hand will be there and it will help you walk wherever you want to go.

Grandmother are the best part of childhood and life. Even if they aren't biological so if you don't have real grandparents relate to the older person in your life that always made you smile.

They don't get enough credit. They are the ones that give you cake when your mom says no. Grandparents make your stomach smile and you heart beat faster because they show you that you are loved. I love my grandparents and I lost one two years ago and that was hard; so for anyone out there that feels the pain of loss just think about the time they made you cookies or did finger paint with you. Yes they are irriplacable but you can always find your grandma in another older person, by smell, touch, body, or the love they put out.It is sure to put a smile on your face.Death is a part of life and it will happen one day but until that day comes or and even after I will still show you that I really love you because you make my life have meaning and love and for that I thank you. So this is for all of the grandparents in the world, alive or gone we love you and we miss you.